Review
Ki and Ka
At the premise of it Ki and Ka is an interesting movie, where there is an attempt to show gender role reversal, ambitious girl wants to have a career, move up the ladder, whereas the boy wants to stay at home and create art through his home-maker skills. A lot of discussions, few inciting moments, few thoughts, melodrama.. and indeed it provokes some thought.
Before going to watch Ki and Ka, I did look for reviews and found almost all of them by “Men” almost writing off the movie, however mentioning that it is an interesting thought. “Interesting thought?” Hence I decided I have to watch it. Now before I come to reviewing the movie (in fact I am not going to do that, rather express my thoughts on seeing the movie), I am going to mention a couple of interesting anecdotes or real stories.
The first is of my late maternal grandmother. She studied from Eden High in Dhaka, later in Bhrahmo Girl, Calcutta, did her MA from Calcutta University in 1944 (the only girl in the batch), travelled and stayed on her own at Lucknow teaching in a college, married on her own (almost eloped, against her and my grandfather’s family wishes) to a freedom fighter (my grandfather) and later took care of the family since my grandfather didn’t work. My mother and my Masi (her elder sister) often used to speak of the funtimes they spent with their dad, in a small rented house where the family stayed, battling deprivation and denial from the extended family due to such marriage and that too an inter-caste (my Grandmother was a Kayasth from East Bengal (now Bangladesh) and my grandfather a Brahmin, was from this part) and no help. My grandfather, post partition was almost rendered useless for his views and his ego which made him not to fit him either in a job or in a business. He was almost depressed, when my grandmother decided to take the reins of the family in her hand. And so it was. My mother and Masi was happy to see father a home, rather than facing their strict mother (whom any which way they had to deal at school- she was a teacher). And so was it. There was economic crisis, poverty, lack of resources, but then there were books, stories, love and above all respect and equality. The family was run (which I heard in stories of course) by joint choices and decisions. The salary, a meagre one those days for a school teacher, was handed over to dadu (my grandfather) and dida was busy managing her school, students and ensuring that the daughter had the right education- there would have been no compromise on that. Later when the daughters were to be married, my grandparents were less radical though and opted for arranged marriage, however with a twist. My mother’s maiden last name was Banerjee, taking on her father’s last name (a formality forced upon by school) and so indeed she was a Brahmin, but while seeking alliance, dida (My grandmother) ensured “caste no bar”, something which had put the matchmakers in shock.
It was only after marriage that my mother was exposed to this embarrassment of having an “unsuccessful father” or “a male with no income”… She was reminded by the regressive patriarchy, hidden under the obvious affluence of this family (the family whose last name I still carry on... again a force majeure...). In this family there are two widowed daughters, married at a young age and widowed and reeling under the bitterness and depression of such loss- they lashed it out on my mother, who in her own way tried to engage and question patriarchy- she was reminded of the “spineless-ness” of her father and how she should be grateful that in spite of that she found an affluent family to marry to. Anyways I don’t want to go further in this arena.. Since here too ma made the same mistake of having anguish against these two women (partly quite obvious), and not understanding the patriarchal system as a whole. What she did out of her instinct, is finding education as a turn-around for women, the key ingredient which made her mother carry on with chin up and something which helped her in questioning and something which she thought her daughter should excel in to get the license of her flight… that is another story though..
Interestingly, even with this legacy, when I chose to marry someone who was a student doing his PhD and on stipend (it was a fancy amount though.. nevertheless) and not so called financially stable, my same mother was apprehensive of the success of this alliance. Also she was fearful nevertheless of my fiercely independent and equality-demanding, nature, to come in my way of happily ever after… (read obedience, patriarchy, conformity, things which are often meant to be present to carry on…)
Next coming back to a story which I know more closely. Geeta-didi. She practically runs my house. We call “domestic help” right? But I would call her my home-maker. She cooks, tidies up my pigeon hole of a place and lovingly enquires about my well-being. She works at 4 more houses and manages to earn around 20000-25000 a month. She is married and has two children, both going to a moderately good English Medium private school. Geeta takes care of her household expenses. The husband has irregular income and often does nothing. And shall we assume that Geeta is highly emancipated, has freedom of choice and empowered?
Now we can come back to Ki and Ka. Ka aka Kabir Bansal, son of a business tycoon and IIM-B topper chooses not to pursue the corporate rat-race and a lot of jazzy dialogues are there to convince us why he chooses to opt out. (Do not expect anything against capitalism- Bollywood cannot afford to do that with so many in-movie product promotions) And Ki- Kiya, an ambitious, single-parent child wants to have a great career, see the world and hates marriage lest it anchors and captivates her in its chores and expectations, unsure that will a man be ready to allow the women to fly... taking care of her needs and ambitions. Needless to say, they are an ultimate match, interesting premise and promising…
And here comes the question- Kabir and Kiya both have the choice or agency to choose. And where does this choice and agency come from- class? Their background? If Kabir has ended up being in a B school, it was his experimentation, as unlike many, who may have been forced to join the rat-race as an only option to turn-around their status and be the oppressor rather being the oppressed. (Feel like invoking Paulo Freire here). Class plays an important role there and almost spills water on the noble idea of role reversal and hence it also cannot present a counter-point towards patriarchy- since class itself is the biggest outcome and beneficiary of the patriarchal system. My grandmother may seem to have the agency and steer the family ahead, denying patriarchal norms, but was it at all an option for her, if she had the family support, the family for whom an independent, educated, thinking and above all from another caste woman was abhorring to the point of denying her very existence. In case of Geeta, she may earn and run the household, but can she get rid of her husband? Does she have the agency to do so? She even shudders at the thought of that. The nuisance that will befall on her in absence of a husband, however torturous he may be, is more fearful to her than this known danger. Can we ever at all think from this perspective? The Perspective of choice and agency.
Also do we not need to ask our consumeristic dreams? Are they dreams at all? To gain what? And what if Kabir would not have had joined business, but also hated to do household chores? Is it necessary to compensate- become one or the other and then weigh powers? Also Kabir’ s choice here seems to be an informed one- what about another Kabir sitting somewhere in Chhattisgarh or Jharkhand, dreaming to rid himself of the baggage of his background, state, caste, class and wants to join an IIM (we may have our own opinions against this) as a way out, to embrace and taste freedom- that is how he may look at freedom of choice. Does it make him any less liberal or more patriarchal? Do we understand patriarchy- the patriarchy which comes from the sheer desire of controlling hegemony of power in few hands and not letting that go? And if a woman does that, she is as much a patriarch as a man. These glossed up stories with role reversal doesn’t challenge that, I doubt whether they even will have an understanding of the same. Here Kiya behaves and has a lifestyle we all have (the people who work out of homes irrespective of sectors--- and isn’t that oppressive at times, letting go of happiness at homes…) Then why is it so great an ambition that Kabir will not counter as a reasonable partner and would cook and clean and take care of the household- that is a seriously flawed stereotype and pretty immatured.
Nevertheless the film has very interesting moments. The one where Swaroop Sampath (still pleasantly charming) speaks about patriarchy and the disguised choice- of why a man or woman chooses each other- the woman doesn’t select the man, but also the assured notion of security that comes from the job and associated social conditioning. And that should be a revelation for men as well- I have had many male friends who had to let go off relationships unable to meet the demands of the girls of that illusive “settled and stable myth” Whereas by choosing that women get into the captivation themselves, putting everything they want often as secondary.
The other most interesting part of Ki and Ka will be the portion where Amitabh and Jaya Bacchan (making a cameo) come and discusses the alternate if she would have continued working and waving to fans and he looked after home and kids... Amitabh... Reminds her saying, but what about kids and that was her choice to take a break from career and Jaya's answer- "yes it was my choice because there was no other choice..." And that can sum up all... Freedom of choice... Policies, diversity at workplace.. Are they really choices..? Freedom... Or just mere ideas to create subtle coercion, deifying images.., and confinement... Often our choices are not our choices... Since often we are forced to choose few battles rather than raging a war!!! In some bits the movie does raise issues... Though class dominates... Since if it's role reversal... We know women who take care of our domestic chores and run their houses... But are as oppressed as anyone... Again it's power howsoever ways it plays out and the fear to lose that control, the paranoia which makes you oppressive...
In another melodramatic moment in the movie where Kiya hurls at Kabir saying that he is useless, doing nothing and later feels apologetic about it- where again Swaroop Sampath (playing Kiya’s mother) explains what patriarchy does (here tamingly and in a non-political way)- sexual division of labour and also ascertaining price of one kind against another. I have an objection here how she puts- (summarized as the person who pays for the household expenses often thinks him or her to be more powerful than the one who is a home-maker so on and of course pointing down to the capitalism and how it looks at societies and families and the roles)-though Ghar Chalana and Ghar Banana- an euphemism and not going into the political debate- but this is and should be the pivotal point of this movie. And this is not so simple and requires further looking into to understand such movies and their failure to be feminist discussions and remain mere glossed up Bollywoodization..
Here it’s important to invoke Nivedita Menon where she speaks about this Sexual Division of Labour:
“ There is nothing “natural” about sexual division of labour…all the work within the home that women must do-cooking, cleaning, looking after children, and so on (the whole range of work which may call “ domestic labour”)-can equally be done by men. But this work is called as “women’s work”… this sexual division of labour extends even to the “public” arena of paid work and, again it has nothing to do with sex and gender. Certain kinds of work are considered at women’s work and other men’s, however the fact is that whatever work women do, gets lower wages and is less valued………………….at the same time one women’s work are professionalized, there is practically a monopoly on it by men. For instance professional chefs are still largely men in New Delhi or New York. The reason is clear- the sexual division of labour ensures that women will always end up having to prioritize unpaid domestic work over paid work…..
Women’s work thus remains invisible. The sex based segregation of labor is the key to maintaining not only the family, but also the economy, because economy would collapse like a house of cards if this unpaid domestic labour had to be paid for by somebody, either by the husband or by the employer. Consider this: the employer pays the employee for his or her labour in the workplace. But the fact that he or she can come back to the workplace the next day, depends on somebody else (or herself) doing a whole lot of work the employer doesnot pay for- cooking, cleaning, running the home etc. When you have an entire structure of unpaid labour buttressing the economy, then sexual division of labour cannot be considered to be domestic and private, it is what keeps the economy going. If tomorrow, every woman demanded to be paid for this work that she does, either the husband would have to pay her, or the employer would have to pay the husband. The economy would fall apart. This entire system functions on the assumption that women do housework for love…”
And this is where I have a problem with this movie. It almost deifies this “love” of making a home as a choice and never questions that why would there be a choice for such act of love. And then later Kabir’s rise to fame for embracing such love, is seriously a reason to be angry about for Kiya. However in the movie she is made to feel repentant for his nobility. Most importantly, the point, the sexual division of labour though reversed here, doesnot take away the problem of considering the labour of no value (in real terms) and thereby is the failure to look this movie from a woman’s angle and not at all feminist.
In fact it fails the Bechdel test as well (here two women hardly talk on any other thing than another man)
Coming back to Kiya, is she liberated? The most important part of the movie is almost a whisper and I doubt whether anyone will notice that. Kiya’s rejection and anxiety to pregnancy was she would not be able to continue with her career, her loans and EMIs would all go for a toss. And this is so oppressive. I cannot even call this capitalistic. Pregnancy is definitely a choice for her, but the reasons cited here as anxiety, just shocked me. And in fact it is at this moment also shows Kiya, the so called “having her agency”, have-it- all, ambitious woman to be in captivity. And that is indeed a worry. If Kiya would have chosen not to go through the labour of pregnancy- interesting premise (debatable too) by her own account, but here she found pregnancy taking away her career, her prospects and then once again... we come to the same point choice and agency- who has it?
Till then, Ki and Ka will still remain and interesting movie- at least one which raises so many questions and of course urges to believe strongly and cling on to the concept- “ Personal is Political”..
